Joys of Single Motherhood

In November I had shingles. I got off pretty easily and I was surprised by the number of people who were instantly sympathetic--very sympathetic. Hell, even my crusty blue-blood editor expressed concern. The shingles went away in about a week and the pain was mild. In December, the week before Xmas I broke my left fibula near the ankle. That was only painful when I fell off my crutches--usually on the grand granite steps leading up to friends' big houses. On Thursday last, I woke up at 0300 in the worst pain I have ever experienced. It was centered on the left side of my torso, right over the kidney's territory. I changed positions in bed. No change. After ten minutes I knew I needed the ER. Sure enough, it was a kidney stone . It was located high up and it was large. Very large. Again people-mostly nurses--were instantly sympathetic. "Kidney stones are more painful than childbirth." I heard this a half-dozen times. I have no experience with the pain of childbirth...

My daughter takes the world's longest showers. It must be genetic. In the good old days when her father and I were married we hosted many parties. He was always still in the shower when our guests started to arrive. It drove me nuts. And now I am my own father because I'm the one who pays the water bill. I hate to waste water and a shower longer than five minutes is practically criminal in my book. Like my father before me I have been known to rap on the door and "That's long enough! Get OUT of the shower!" But no more, because it's scary. Kid 1 told me this morning that when I yell like that, it scares her. And she was so upset the other morning that she cried. I remember being startled by my father's hollering but I never cried. I hadn't remembered that feeling until this morning--being scared and then rushing to finish. So no more yelling about showers. I felt awful that I'd made her cry. It never occurred to me. I find it difficult sometimes...

I've been thinking about the idea of kids as "projects"--the idea that at the age of 16 or 17--your child is basically a small adult and as such your child-raising project is finished. The kid is on his way into the real world.Your job now is knowing when to let go and then letting go. Kids this age are busy with life.There are college applications, class schedules for next year, landing a part-time job, figuring out the summer internship, etc. etc. And for us at least, those decisions are Kid 1's to make. She just got her SAT scores back and she did well. She has always done well on standardized tests and from the time she was little I knew that her SAT scores would be high. I was right. The best part is that I got to say "I told you so" and she didn't roll her eyes. (Her success is due mostly to a genetic quirk, that's all. For some reason, she intuitively picks the right bubble to blacken. Her father has the same odd talent. Go figure.) We kn...

It's sunny and cold today. The snow is shrinking quickly, though not quite fast enough. I am on my second week in my walking cast. Tomorrow may be the day I am finally liberated from any cast at all and "get" to progress to wearing just a brace. A brace with sneakers, but still not a cast. If you've ever had a cast you know the day-to-day indignities, the insecurity, the balance issues, the importance of not tripping others and not being tripped and the balance issues. Yes, I said 'balance issues' twice. The first two weeks or so I fell on average twice a day. Some days I fell four times. My son would hear me topple and yell "Are you all right? Are you all right?!!" and rush to my side. The worst fall I took was on the carpeted floor in the living room. I managed to break a few Xmas ornaments with a crutch and smacked my head hard on the hardwood floor. I fell twice on the highly polished hard wood kitchen floor at my little six-year-old charge...

I was musing the other day about the huge difference between the things you worry about when your kids are small compared to the things you worry about with teens. When my kids were small I worried that they'd get cavities, wouldn't get enough protein, would never have socks that fit, would lose a blankie, would swear like Mommy, wouldn't get into a good preschool/kindergarten, that she wouldn't stop biting even after she turned four and that he would never again let on that he could talk but wouldn't. Now I worry that the socks I bought for him last week won't fit next week, that his brain will turn to mush from too many MMOGs or whatever they're called this week, that she won't snap to academically in time to get her grades up in time to apply for college, or that she will suddenly want to go to one of those dumb ass private colleges that cost $250K for four years instead of FIT, or that he will never graduate from high school or ever learn to tie hi...

I should be the poster child for the Health Care Reform Act. Until January 1st, I had been without health insurance for about six years. No colonoscopy at 50, no annual mammograms, no follow- up care for my 2008 bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. I knew that my blood pressure was fine--don't know why, I just did--but I've never had my cholesterol levels checked. Over the years, I used my friends and neighbors whenever I needed a prescription. Yes, they're MDs. And I'd never had an injury until December. On December 28th I signed up for United Healthcare's Family Community Plan. I think it's essentially Medicaid for the middle class or lower middle class. I was skeptical at first. I pictured driving to sketchy neighborhoods to see doctors in basement level "clinics". I had heard that no one took Medicaid and that finding doctors was torturous. Under OCare, Medicaid monies in some states have been increased. I'm probably a beneficiary of that...

Both my kids are watching the Breaking Bad series right now. I've watched a few episodes--the writing is brilliant and so is the acting but binge viewing isn't my thing. "Burner phones" are ubiquitous in BB. I got one yesterday and setting it up wasn't that easy. As my son watched BB in the backyard, I cracked the package open on my new $15 phone with heavy-duty scissors. I was amused to find that it does just about everything my expensive Wi-Fi device does except it's way more rudimentary. As I scrutinized the setup directions and attempted to set up an account and buy minutes, I started thinking about the use of burner phones on television. On TV, the bad guys have burner cells. My question is "who sets them up?" Does the average bad guy have the patience to set up an anonymous account online and then make the necessary phone call to the Burner Phone Company to untangle the online mess? I waited on hold for maybe 15 minutes. Not bad. Then I t...