Vacation with Kids=Military Intelligence
I am leaving tomorrow for a brief vacation with my little darlings. We are going to the mountains to see friends and to swim, and to make our annual attempt to get up on water skis. (My attempts to water ski resemble those horrifying videos of prisoners at Guantanamo experiencing a form of torture called "water-boarding" but my pal says I'm exaggerating. Maybe.)
My kids are fairly excited about our trip to the mountains but as always they are much, much more excited about their upcoming vacation adventure with their father. He's taking them for a week to one of those crowded places on the shore with big waves and wall to wall souvenir shops. They'll play mini-golf, eat lots of fried foods and come home with tacky tee shirts and hundreds of dollars worth of plastic souvenirs. Most of these highly treasured little tributes to capitalism will have sharp edges or come in tiny little collections. The first three days I will hear a constant chorus of "Hey, where's my ____? I don't want to lose it, Daddy got it for me on our trip!" This period is followed by a day or two of my refrain--"Pick this stuff up, it doesn't belong on the floor!" Over the next day or so I will quietly dispose of most of it. Only tee-shirts or pricier gew-gaws that my daughter cons my ex into buying get parole. The rest are executed without ceremony.
The ex is lucky. When he goes, he takes along his gal pal for reinforcement so that one of them actually gets to vacation while the other one does kid duty. The ugly truth of vacationing with kids, is that only the kids get a true vacation. Of course if money is not important, you can take them to a pricey resort where you can fob them off on underpaid college kids who run resort sponsored day "camps". My niece--an only child--once enjoyed a cruise to Norway with her doting parents. Well, they enjoyed the cruise. The kid spent the entire time playing video games below deck at a daily camp called "Cyber-kids". But most vacations provide just another setting for 'parenting', i.e. separating squabbling children or quashing blatant attempts to spend more money then you will ever have in hand on souvenirs. This is why "vacation with kids" is just as oxymoronic as "military intelligence". It may seem feasible but it isn't--at least not when you're the only parent shepherding the little dears. When I return from this vacation I will need a few days rest to recover from my intensive parenting experience. Fortunately I'll get that rest while the kiddos are off at Seaside City for a week muling and puking on the mini-golf course.
My kids are fairly excited about our trip to the mountains but as always they are much, much more excited about their upcoming vacation adventure with their father. He's taking them for a week to one of those crowded places on the shore with big waves and wall to wall souvenir shops. They'll play mini-golf, eat lots of fried foods and come home with tacky tee shirts and hundreds of dollars worth of plastic souvenirs. Most of these highly treasured little tributes to capitalism will have sharp edges or come in tiny little collections. The first three days I will hear a constant chorus of "Hey, where's my ____? I don't want to lose it, Daddy got it for me on our trip!" This period is followed by a day or two of my refrain--"Pick this stuff up, it doesn't belong on the floor!" Over the next day or so I will quietly dispose of most of it. Only tee-shirts or pricier gew-gaws that my daughter cons my ex into buying get parole. The rest are executed without ceremony.
The ex is lucky. When he goes, he takes along his gal pal for reinforcement so that one of them actually gets to vacation while the other one does kid duty. The ugly truth of vacationing with kids, is that only the kids get a true vacation. Of course if money is not important, you can take them to a pricey resort where you can fob them off on underpaid college kids who run resort sponsored day "camps". My niece--an only child--once enjoyed a cruise to Norway with her doting parents. Well, they enjoyed the cruise. The kid spent the entire time playing video games below deck at a daily camp called "Cyber-kids". But most vacations provide just another setting for 'parenting', i.e. separating squabbling children or quashing blatant attempts to spend more money then you will ever have in hand on souvenirs. This is why "vacation with kids" is just as oxymoronic as "military intelligence". It may seem feasible but it isn't--at least not when you're the only parent shepherding the little dears. When I return from this vacation I will need a few days rest to recover from my intensive parenting experience. Fortunately I'll get that rest while the kiddos are off at Seaside City for a week muling and puking on the mini-golf course.
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