Why I dread parent/teacher conferences
Next week is the parent/teacher conference for Kid 2, who is in his last year of elementary school. While Kid 1 happily sails through school--sails through life as a whole actually--Kid 2 is not so lucky. Kid 2 has a whole kit and kaboodle of "Learning Differences"...a little ADD, a lot of dyslexia and some motor skills issues. He is classified as a Section 504 kid so he gets occupational therapy, and help with math and reading and writing twice a week. He can take tests separately from other kids to decrease distractions, he sits up front, and the teacher is instructed to provide plenty of "redirection", which means "Hey, pay attention!". That's what I tell him. I'm sure the teachers have nicer ways of putting it. I tried medication last year and it didn't do a thing. Nothing.
This year is a good year for Kid 2. He has a male teacher with 20+ years of teaching experience. He is known for running a shipshape classroom but he also clearly adores the kids. Kid 2 loves the guy and that's all good.
Here comes the "but".... But is he learning anything? I don't know. He hasn't quit completely like he has in past years. He tries to do the work--a little bit. He doesn't do the nightly reading because he can't concentrate long enough and he tends to lose his place and read the same page over and over. I pretend not to notice and I sign the weekly sheet that attests to his nightly reading. He still spells everything phonetically and doesn't really seem to understand what a sentence is. Or if he does, he can't create one on his own. His writing is joyous and creative but one needs a translator to decipher what he has written.
This year he wants to do everything by himself so I let him. He's making a timeline right now of JFK's life. I wince inwardly every time I have to look at it.
So here's the central issue for me: balance. On one hand he knows he has learning "differences" and this year, for his own peace of mind, he has decided just to ignore them. He takes any attempt to correct his work very badly. He feels that his allergy to capital letters is just fine. What difference does it make whether or not you start a sentence with a capital letter?
His learning disabilities have become an excuse for generally not giving his best effort. He tries to surmount his difficulties but not at the expense of his self-confidence. And he'll tell you this flat out if you ask him. His argument goes something like this "if you make me go back and capitalize all the letters that start sentences and make me fix the spelling and punctuation, you'll hurt my self-confidence. Or try to make me read, I won't, because I can't and so what's the point of making a big deal over it?" This is his version of compensating, but of course it's nothing but avoidance. And I am being a terrible, lousy parent for allowing this situation to continue. But he's happy in school for the first time in years....
Learning to compensate--to find another way to learn and not to just avoid the problems--is the goal. Ignoring the situation is not the answer. But when I go into the LD blogosphere and look for parents dealing with these issues I've yet to find anyone who can detail their compensation strategies. Tom Cruise, Charles Schwab, Vince Vaughan and on and on all suffer from dyslexia. When asked about it, they almost all say "I learned to compensate" but no one ever says how. It's extremely frustrating. I need details not vague assurances.
This year is a good year for Kid 2. He has a male teacher with 20+ years of teaching experience. He is known for running a shipshape classroom but he also clearly adores the kids. Kid 2 loves the guy and that's all good.
Here comes the "but".... But is he learning anything? I don't know. He hasn't quit completely like he has in past years. He tries to do the work--a little bit. He doesn't do the nightly reading because he can't concentrate long enough and he tends to lose his place and read the same page over and over. I pretend not to notice and I sign the weekly sheet that attests to his nightly reading. He still spells everything phonetically and doesn't really seem to understand what a sentence is. Or if he does, he can't create one on his own. His writing is joyous and creative but one needs a translator to decipher what he has written.
This year he wants to do everything by himself so I let him. He's making a timeline right now of JFK's life. I wince inwardly every time I have to look at it.
So here's the central issue for me: balance. On one hand he knows he has learning "differences" and this year, for his own peace of mind, he has decided just to ignore them. He takes any attempt to correct his work very badly. He feels that his allergy to capital letters is just fine. What difference does it make whether or not you start a sentence with a capital letter?
His learning disabilities have become an excuse for generally not giving his best effort. He tries to surmount his difficulties but not at the expense of his self-confidence. And he'll tell you this flat out if you ask him. His argument goes something like this "if you make me go back and capitalize all the letters that start sentences and make me fix the spelling and punctuation, you'll hurt my self-confidence. Or try to make me read, I won't, because I can't and so what's the point of making a big deal over it?" This is his version of compensating, but of course it's nothing but avoidance. And I am being a terrible, lousy parent for allowing this situation to continue. But he's happy in school for the first time in years....
Learning to compensate--to find another way to learn and not to just avoid the problems--is the goal. Ignoring the situation is not the answer. But when I go into the LD blogosphere and look for parents dealing with these issues I've yet to find anyone who can detail their compensation strategies. Tom Cruise, Charles Schwab, Vince Vaughan and on and on all suffer from dyslexia. When asked about it, they almost all say "I learned to compensate" but no one ever says how. It's extremely frustrating. I need details not vague assurances.
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