The Black Hole Widens
When your kid breaks his leg you know what to expect. I imagine that first you're scared, then worried, then relieved. In the end you might even be annoyed at your kid.
Mental illness is different. You just don't know. It's like a black hole. Mysterious, dark and slowing growing. Kid 2 is ill, that much we know. And the stress is affecting my outlook as well. This is when single motherhood is beyond hard. Basically, my adorable, funny, charming 13 year-old can't take the stress of school. He can't do the school work so he crumples each day at around noon time. School is driving him crazy--at least that's my theory.
He comes home each day before noon. It's like preschool except that you're not picking up a smiley little person who proudly thrusts the daily drawing at you while you strap him into the child seat. Instead I am picking up a sad, resigned boy who tries to alleviate my worry with a brief smile before he gets into the car. He sees the strain that this situation is causing. There are some days when I just can't hide it.
When something triggers a particularly bad day, he naps when he gets home. Each day, he tries to attend his "core" classes-- he goes to drama, history and English. He can't handle math or science. He loves science but apparently there's a lot of math involved this year and he can't do it.
Over the years, before it got this bad I figured he just needed the right tools to compensate for his learning disabilities. Kid 2 woke me up from that fantasy. "I don't want another gadget" he proclaimed at the beginning of this year. They draw the very attention from the other kids that he is trying to avoid. He doesn't want to be different or "special". None of them work anyway.
What's the solution? What's the cause? Is it frustration that makes him fragile or is there something more insidious is going on? I don't know when we'll know or even if we'll know. Right now, he isn't able to go to school. Our personal black hole seems to be widening. That's all I know for sure.
Mental illness is different. You just don't know. It's like a black hole. Mysterious, dark and slowing growing. Kid 2 is ill, that much we know. And the stress is affecting my outlook as well. This is when single motherhood is beyond hard. Basically, my adorable, funny, charming 13 year-old can't take the stress of school. He can't do the school work so he crumples each day at around noon time. School is driving him crazy--at least that's my theory.
He comes home each day before noon. It's like preschool except that you're not picking up a smiley little person who proudly thrusts the daily drawing at you while you strap him into the child seat. Instead I am picking up a sad, resigned boy who tries to alleviate my worry with a brief smile before he gets into the car. He sees the strain that this situation is causing. There are some days when I just can't hide it.
When something triggers a particularly bad day, he naps when he gets home. Each day, he tries to attend his "core" classes-- he goes to drama, history and English. He can't handle math or science. He loves science but apparently there's a lot of math involved this year and he can't do it.
Over the years, before it got this bad I figured he just needed the right tools to compensate for his learning disabilities. Kid 2 woke me up from that fantasy. "I don't want another gadget" he proclaimed at the beginning of this year. They draw the very attention from the other kids that he is trying to avoid. He doesn't want to be different or "special". None of them work anyway.
What's the solution? What's the cause? Is it frustration that makes him fragile or is there something more insidious is going on? I don't know when we'll know or even if we'll know. Right now, he isn't able to go to school. Our personal black hole seems to be widening. That's all I know for sure.
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