Bah Humbug

I hate Christmas. I feel guilty about hating Christmas but only because of my kids. If I could fill the space under the tree with gifts I might feel differently but the cupboard is completely bare this December. We used to have totally out-of-control over the top expressions of Holiday cheer. Every thing they wanted, things they might want and things we hoped they'd want. (Educational toys fall under this last category. Not that we ever bought many.) We left cookies for Santa, left flour booted footprints to fool them. We had the whole nine yards.

This year on Xmas morning there will be stocking filled mostly with candy and maybe one gift for each kid. Maybe we'll go to the diner for breakfast if there is enough money. They will be politely eager to get to their father's house across town where their true Christmas happens.

At their father's house there will be piles of presents. Their little brother will be thrilled to see them. My kids will get clothes they'll never wear, some expensive gadget from their step-grandmother who has deep pockets (last year she got them each a Kindle Fire. They sit unused. Kid 1 has an iPad and Kid 2 doesn't read) and more stuff from their father. Then they'll have a big dinner. They'll come back around 4 pm. They'll be eager to get home once dessert is finished.

I will ooh and aah sincerely. Even the misfires will get my goodwill.("Maybe you could wear it with a belt?" or "But that color really does look good on you") I will be glad for them but at the same time I'll feel like I let them down. And they'll feel bad because they know this and they also know that I think Christmas gifts are an empty way to tell your kids you love them.  And deep down they know it too.

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