Autumn Flashes By Amid Romantic Ashes
Last year, Kid 2 had her first breakup with a boyfriend--her first. She was mopey for a day or so and she cried the day I finally figured out what was going on, but she was remarkably resilient. Now I find myself much less resilient in the wake of my own breakup.
I suppose not much changes as for as the progression. As my aunt reminded me last night, I wasn't happy and I was bored and I wanted out last spring. But he was the one who pulled the plug and somehow that really hurts. "You were tired of him, remember? You wanted to be through with him, remember? You were bored to death!"
All true. But still. I keep thinking how cold and dreary the winter will be without monthly trips to Miami--no kayak outings, no South Beach, no barbecues and fun oldsters. No more feeling like a college student again--but with no classes. Of course, on the other hand--no nonsensical discourses on voodoo 'medicine'; no constant nagging about a panoply of habits and no more crabbiness. Truthfully, it had all the earmarks of a boring marriage by the end of the spring. You say 'yes', he says 'no'; you ask him something and he says "WHAT?", even though he heard you. Whenever you drive somewhere you're always going the long way--like it matters. All the things I hated about being married. And the constant, contant whining about his ex-wife: How could she leave me?; She has destroyed everything I worked for!; She destroyed the family; etc. etc.
The song never changed. And somehow as the complaining went on and on, our relationship became more and more pixillated. Broken up into little tiny pieces that were still in the right places but the space around those pieces became more and more prominent. And the final nail in the coffin? He met a 68-year-old 'nurse' (I hate to be a snob but undoubtedly one of those two year RNs from a 100 years ago--before they changed the rules) who does yoga everyday and can stand on her head. She's an AAer and is still 'devout'. Aunt N. and I laughed about that. The mindless AA cant and the subtle, constant disapproval of anyone else who still 'drinks' is so annoying. She works all the time and is 'completely independent'. We'll see how long that lasts after he spends every minute with her telling her how things should be done and how she's doing things wrong. Then he'll say 'that's okay, I'll do it' and before she knows it, he'll take over all kinds of things that she used to manage on her own. A few years will go by and he'll start feeling obligated and she'll start feeling resentful. Once he moves on, she'll realize that she's not so independent anymore.
I suppose not much changes as for as the progression. As my aunt reminded me last night, I wasn't happy and I was bored and I wanted out last spring. But he was the one who pulled the plug and somehow that really hurts. "You were tired of him, remember? You wanted to be through with him, remember? You were bored to death!"
All true. But still. I keep thinking how cold and dreary the winter will be without monthly trips to Miami--no kayak outings, no South Beach, no barbecues and fun oldsters. No more feeling like a college student again--but with no classes. Of course, on the other hand--no nonsensical discourses on voodoo 'medicine'; no constant nagging about a panoply of habits and no more crabbiness. Truthfully, it had all the earmarks of a boring marriage by the end of the spring. You say 'yes', he says 'no'; you ask him something and he says "WHAT?", even though he heard you. Whenever you drive somewhere you're always going the long way--like it matters. All the things I hated about being married. And the constant, contant whining about his ex-wife: How could she leave me?; She has destroyed everything I worked for!; She destroyed the family; etc. etc.
The song never changed. And somehow as the complaining went on and on, our relationship became more and more pixillated. Broken up into little tiny pieces that were still in the right places but the space around those pieces became more and more prominent. And the final nail in the coffin? He met a 68-year-old 'nurse' (I hate to be a snob but undoubtedly one of those two year RNs from a 100 years ago--before they changed the rules) who does yoga everyday and can stand on her head. She's an AAer and is still 'devout'. Aunt N. and I laughed about that. The mindless AA cant and the subtle, constant disapproval of anyone else who still 'drinks' is so annoying. She works all the time and is 'completely independent'. We'll see how long that lasts after he spends every minute with her telling her how things should be done and how she's doing things wrong. Then he'll say 'that's okay, I'll do it' and before she knows it, he'll take over all kinds of things that she used to manage on her own. A few years will go by and he'll start feeling obligated and she'll start feeling resentful. Once he moves on, she'll realize that she's not so independent anymore.
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