Why Does My Ex-husband's Wife Hate Me?
My marriage ended with a whimper, not a bang. He met his soul mate and it was around the same time that I became sick to death of his silence, his limited interests and lack of interest in broadening his horizons. The man never has learned how to swim and he can't drive a car with a manual transmission. We didn't like each other anymore--plain and simple.
He sort of sidled out the door and into a new life and I was glad--mostly. The fact that I signed THE world's stupidest divorce agreement will always rankle but I've never faulted him for meeting someone new and moving on. Sometimes you meet your ideal mate when you're inconveniently married to someone else, it's a fact of life. He's a good guy and a nice person. When I hear about some other exes my friends have to deal with I feel a bit smug. At least I chose a good guy who loves his kids and takes fatherhood seriously.
The woman he married is nice: hardworking, shrewd, intelligent and a good mother. She is good to my kids and they are both fond of her. They also adore the little brother who entered the scene 11 months and 364 days before my son's 10th birthday. He was a surprise. I must admit that I am always amused when I think about how old my ex will be when this adorable toddler grows up and leaves home. Glad it's him and not me.
It all sounds idyllic and yet my ex-husband's wife hates me. Perhaps 'hate' is too strong a word but I always get the sense that if I suddenly walked off the planet one day she wouldn't lead a search party. And she definitely wouldn't let my ex join any search party that did manage to come together.
I have been left on the stoop in the pouring rain, a blizzard and searing heat. There is never a "How are you?" a "Come on in" or any similar chit-chat. These days I open the door, let the dog jump on me and stand and wait. I chat her up just to prove to myself how truly noble I am deep down inside. I also do it in the vain hope that I'll annoy her. When we all come together to watch one of my kids' theater performances she ducks behind a pillar or slips around a corner--anything to avoid acknowledging my presence. I don't bother to chat her up on these occasions. I just find her behavior odd particularly because she remains close with her own ex-husband.
You see, it seems to me that my husband's wife acts as though I slipped in and spirited her husband away--not the other way around. It seems to me that if there was a wounded party, it would be me, not her. As the not-so-wounded party shouldn't she be trying to win my approval--not the other way around? I've gotten used to the situation and it doesn't bother me particularly. I just find it puzzling.
He sort of sidled out the door and into a new life and I was glad--mostly. The fact that I signed THE world's stupidest divorce agreement will always rankle but I've never faulted him for meeting someone new and moving on. Sometimes you meet your ideal mate when you're inconveniently married to someone else, it's a fact of life. He's a good guy and a nice person. When I hear about some other exes my friends have to deal with I feel a bit smug. At least I chose a good guy who loves his kids and takes fatherhood seriously.
The woman he married is nice: hardworking, shrewd, intelligent and a good mother. She is good to my kids and they are both fond of her. They also adore the little brother who entered the scene 11 months and 364 days before my son's 10th birthday. He was a surprise. I must admit that I am always amused when I think about how old my ex will be when this adorable toddler grows up and leaves home. Glad it's him and not me.
It all sounds idyllic and yet my ex-husband's wife hates me. Perhaps 'hate' is too strong a word but I always get the sense that if I suddenly walked off the planet one day she wouldn't lead a search party. And she definitely wouldn't let my ex join any search party that did manage to come together.
I have been left on the stoop in the pouring rain, a blizzard and searing heat. There is never a "How are you?" a "Come on in" or any similar chit-chat. These days I open the door, let the dog jump on me and stand and wait. I chat her up just to prove to myself how truly noble I am deep down inside. I also do it in the vain hope that I'll annoy her. When we all come together to watch one of my kids' theater performances she ducks behind a pillar or slips around a corner--anything to avoid acknowledging my presence. I don't bother to chat her up on these occasions. I just find her behavior odd particularly because she remains close with her own ex-husband.
You see, it seems to me that my husband's wife acts as though I slipped in and spirited her husband away--not the other way around. It seems to me that if there was a wounded party, it would be me, not her. As the not-so-wounded party shouldn't she be trying to win my approval--not the other way around? I've gotten used to the situation and it doesn't bother me particularly. I just find it puzzling.
Comments