The Locusts Arrive on Monday

In November I had shingles. I got off pretty easily and I was surprised by the number of people who were instantly sympathetic--very sympathetic. Hell, even my crusty blue-blood editor expressed concern. The shingles went away in about a week and the pain was mild.

In December, the week before Xmas I broke my left fibula near the ankle. That was only painful when I fell off my crutches--usually on the grand granite steps leading up to friends' big houses.

On Thursday last, I woke up at 0300 in the worst pain I have ever experienced. It was centered on the left side of my torso, right over the kidney's territory. I changed positions in bed. No change. After ten minutes I knew I needed the ER.

Sure enough, it was a kidney stone . It was located high up and it was large. Very large. Again people-mostly nurses--were instantly sympathetic. "Kidney stones are more painful than childbirth." I heard this a half-dozen times.

I have no experience with the pain of childbirth. I had two scheduled C-sections with epidurals so I had nothing to compare. As I was writhing on the gurney waiting for the morphine to kick in I had an uncharitable thought "wow, childbirth must not be that bad if this is really worse."

Shingles, a broken bone with full cast,  and now a kidney stone. Locusts are probably next but I'm betting they'll compare favorably with the broken fibula. Can't be worse than childbirth.

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