Mandarin v. Art Class
Kid 1 and I read Elizabeth Kolbert's New Yorker review of Amy Chua's "Battle Hym of the Tiger Mother" last night. I love Elizabeth Kolbert's writings and I wasn't disappointed. I came away shaking my head at the ridiculousness of raising kids in "Tiger" mode. Kid 1 thought it was just plain sad. "Some parents here are like that, Mom" she told me.
Over the years, my BFF and I have been simultaneously puzzled, intrigued and awe struck by fellow parents who "make" their kids do things. I'm not talking about clearing the table. I'm talking about years of ice hockey, years of soccer and other activities that these kids actively dislike--yet they cede to their parents' wishes. "How do you even get kids like that?" that's our question. My kids will clear the table, take out the trash and feed the cats but I couldn't make either one of them take up an activity or sport unless they wanted to. I'd have to tie Kid 2 to the roof of the car with bungie cords while Kid 1 would go but quietly slip away as soon as she got the chance. My BFF's kids' especially her oldest would immediately call Social Services first and then the nearest child law advocate.
We always come to the conclusion that it's a farce and that we like our kids better. Who wants automatons who will secretly hate you as soon as they leave home. Or bitch about you in therapy when they're thirty. I imagine these other parents rely on "it's for your own good" and I guess the kids buy it. We see however that these kids are often grounded and often their cell phones are taken away for months at a time. And still they are uncomplaining.
Which brings me to Mandarin v. art class. Kid 1 will be a freshman in the fall and apparently she has already filled out her schedule and everything is set. Somehow she let slip that she would forego a second language --which could include Mandarin--in favor of art class. Instead of Latin and Mandarin, it's Latin and art. For once I may "make" her do something. Even more shocking, for once her chronically oppositional father agrees with me. When she was in kindergarten at a private school in SF, they offered Mandarin. We laughed then but now it's 8 years later and the renminbi is on the rise. My BFF scoffs at the efficacy of learning any language in 4 years but it seems as though getting started might be wise.
Kid 1 is mortified by our interest in her schedule. Art is more important to her than picking up another language. She is just fine with Latin. She likes it and it has an added perk: she gets to sit next to her boyfriend in class. So it's off to the guidance counselor for us to talk over the schedule. I suspect Kid 1 may have scrawled my initials on some scheduling permission form sometime in the last month or so. I suspect that the guidance counselor was stunned when I left voicemail saying we'd had no input and would like to discuss making changes. We shall see. I know that Kid 1 is capable of tremendous stubborness--she is her father's daughter. It's that same trait that preconditions her to be tenacious in her studies and everything else she doesn't quite "get" at first. She tries, tries and tries again. (Except for polynomials) But will she turn that tenacity to the dark side if we push her into Mandarin and interfere with her art class plan?
We have always let Kid 1 pretty much go her own way. She has almost always shown excellent judgement and we have trusted her to make her own decisions about school, camp, friends, dress, etc. We know we're lucky. Her boyfriend is a Boy Scout, for heaven's sake. In comparison, I'm pretty sure I was dating my Latin teacher back when I was her age.... But can you trust a 13 year-old to see that Mandarin might indeed be for her own good?
Over the years, my BFF and I have been simultaneously puzzled, intrigued and awe struck by fellow parents who "make" their kids do things. I'm not talking about clearing the table. I'm talking about years of ice hockey, years of soccer and other activities that these kids actively dislike--yet they cede to their parents' wishes. "How do you even get kids like that?" that's our question. My kids will clear the table, take out the trash and feed the cats but I couldn't make either one of them take up an activity or sport unless they wanted to. I'd have to tie Kid 2 to the roof of the car with bungie cords while Kid 1 would go but quietly slip away as soon as she got the chance. My BFF's kids' especially her oldest would immediately call Social Services first and then the nearest child law advocate.
We always come to the conclusion that it's a farce and that we like our kids better. Who wants automatons who will secretly hate you as soon as they leave home. Or bitch about you in therapy when they're thirty. I imagine these other parents rely on "it's for your own good" and I guess the kids buy it. We see however that these kids are often grounded and often their cell phones are taken away for months at a time. And still they are uncomplaining.
Which brings me to Mandarin v. art class. Kid 1 will be a freshman in the fall and apparently she has already filled out her schedule and everything is set. Somehow she let slip that she would forego a second language --which could include Mandarin--in favor of art class. Instead of Latin and Mandarin, it's Latin and art. For once I may "make" her do something. Even more shocking, for once her chronically oppositional father agrees with me. When she was in kindergarten at a private school in SF, they offered Mandarin. We laughed then but now it's 8 years later and the renminbi is on the rise. My BFF scoffs at the efficacy of learning any language in 4 years but it seems as though getting started might be wise.
Kid 1 is mortified by our interest in her schedule. Art is more important to her than picking up another language. She is just fine with Latin. She likes it and it has an added perk: she gets to sit next to her boyfriend in class. So it's off to the guidance counselor for us to talk over the schedule. I suspect Kid 1 may have scrawled my initials on some scheduling permission form sometime in the last month or so. I suspect that the guidance counselor was stunned when I left voicemail saying we'd had no input and would like to discuss making changes. We shall see. I know that Kid 1 is capable of tremendous stubborness--she is her father's daughter. It's that same trait that preconditions her to be tenacious in her studies and everything else she doesn't quite "get" at first. She tries, tries and tries again. (Except for polynomials) But will she turn that tenacity to the dark side if we push her into Mandarin and interfere with her art class plan?
We have always let Kid 1 pretty much go her own way. She has almost always shown excellent judgement and we have trusted her to make her own decisions about school, camp, friends, dress, etc. We know we're lucky. Her boyfriend is a Boy Scout, for heaven's sake. In comparison, I'm pretty sure I was dating my Latin teacher back when I was her age.... But can you trust a 13 year-old to see that Mandarin might indeed be for her own good?
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