Off the Rails and Into the Darker Forest

My son is off the rails again. It's better this time. He talked to me on Monday about his worsening depression and his anger--rage really--at having to interact with the "special kids" in his remedial math class. Some of his ranting was funny, as usual. "I am tired of all of these 'special' kids. You know what? Their 'Special' status is over. That invisible card they have that says "Special", well I told one of them today that his card had expired and he was no longer "Special"! Your ticket's been punched and you're out of here!"

This 'special class' includes three or four kids with special needs. Most are autistic to some degree. One needs a 5 minute 'iPad' break in the back of the room every ten minutes or so. The time is signaled by a bell, or a cricket chirp or some noise that drives my son crazy or crazier, as it turns out.  He dislikes one of the kids because as he puts it "he's always stepping on my jokes." That this unfortunate autistic boy probably doesn't have a clue that my son is even making a joke, does not matter. A few of the 'specials' have won his approval. A spacey girl who made statements like "Soup" is a funny word' out of the blue at the beginning of the year has just recently earned his seal of approval. What he really can't stand is that he is lumped in with these kids who he perceives are not as smart as he is.

Meanwhile, his rage at being in this class spilled over on Tuesday. Even though he acknowledges that he needs it and that he is finally learning algebra. Some comment about wanting "to gouge out" some kid's eye balls landed him in the guidance counselor's office. He loves the guidance counselor and she's a fan of his too. My son is also a frequent visitor to the social worker and the assistant principal and now the school psychologist.  They're all caring people with lots of common sense and they're given the latitude to use it. There is no "Zero Tolerance" policy, thank goodness.

What bothers me the most is that when he has these derailments it is apparent to me that  his mental health may always be too fragile to allow him to succeed in school. He already talks about dropping out. The gap he experiences between how smart he is and his frustration over not being able to keep up with those he considers his true peers causes him mind-bending stress. School literally drives him nuts. And with that understanding, I realize that he's unlikely to pursue any type of formal education after high school and that will cause a whole new set of difficulties and stress triggers. And that makes me very sad and very worried about his future.