An Okay Mother

Every "single/divorced" mother at some point realizes that she's not really doing that great a job raising her kids.

I suppose it's easier if you have plenty of resources--plenty of money, loving grandparents who are healthy and happy. It still takes incredible energy if you decide to 'stay in the game'. Relationships are fraught with bumps because there is always a tension between the kids and the boy/girl friend--a competition for attention.

It's a juggling act with five balls in the air. Kid 2 is in crisis mode this week, hopefully just this week. I should have deduced that his hilarious rants about his "special" classes and the motley crew of disabled students in.that class might be obscuring a very real rage. Now that rage has earned him a six day stint in the hospital.

I was too busy to analyze his anger. Too busy to sit and think for a minute about the details of his life. I was (and still am) racing around trying to figure out how to pay the power bill, the web bill and the cell phone bill  in time to avoid any disconnects or overdrafts. And trying to network in order to find a full-time real job with benefits. Also scrambling to avoid running out of gas for the car, cat food for the cats and cereal for the kids.

Kid 1 mentioned to me the other day how amazing it seems to her when she opens the refrigerator at other people's houses and sees how stuffed they are with fruit and salad and everything else that we used to take for granted.

Most days I would use my patented "things could be worse...we could be living in Darfur" mantra to ameliorate my angst. But not today.

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